We’ve all been there: you send a simple message like “Did you eat?” and there’s silence. Suddenly, your brain becomes a Netflix writer’s room: “They must be upset with me. Did I say something wrong? Maybe they don’t love me anymore. What if they’re planning to leave?” A harmless quiet moment spirals into a full-blown emotional drama. What started as someone being “quiet” turns into an emotional storm for the partner who is left waiting, replaying every interaction.
This silence - often called emotional ghosting in relationships - can cause real psychological pain. And as a clinical psychologist, I’ve seen how powerful and damaging it can be if not addressed. Let’s explore why it happens, how to recognize it, and most importantly, how to work through it. also read: breaking free from family pressure to havechildren
Silence between partners isn’t just about the absence of sound. It’s about the absence of connection. When one partner “goes quiet,” the other often feels:
The mind doesn’t like uncertainty, so it fills in the blanks with fears, doubts, and worst-case scenarios. This “silent treatment” or sudden emotional withdrawal—whether intentional or unconscious—can feel like a form of rejection, even abandonment. also read: spot the silent signs of love your partner hides
I once worked with a woman who said, “His silence hurts more than his words ever could.” Many people describe silence as emotional suffocation. You feel invisible, powerless, and stuck in a loop of overthinking.
Some start checking their phone every few minutes, waiting for a reply. Others replay conversations, trying to decode hidden meanings. Some even withdraw emotionally themselves, leading to distance and resentment on both sides. also read: how miscommunication in texts affects you
If these patterns continue, they can lead to stress, anxiety, depression, or even symptoms of trauma. also read: why couples hide their real feelings in relationships
According to DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), behaviors tied to avoidance can overlap with traits seen in anxiety disorders, depression, and even attachment-related struggles. Silence in relationships is often a coping mechanism—a way to escape conflict, avoid vulnerability, or protect oneself from perceived rejection.
Similarly, the ICD-11 (International Classification of Diseases) acknowledges emotional regulation issues as part of relational difficulties. Emotional ghosting often stems from unresolved childhood patterns, such as growing up in households where emotions weren’t discussed openly.
For the silent partner, silence may feel like safety. For the other, it feels like abandonment. Both are trapped in different emotional realities. also read: feeling judged for not having kids? here’s thetruth
Studies in interpersonal psychology show that stonewalling (a term from Dr. John Gottman’s research) is one of the strongest predictors of relationship breakdown. Couples where one partner consistently withdraws emotionally show higher levels of stress hormones like cortisol and greater chances of divorce or long-term dissatisfaction.
Other studies also reveal that silence triggers the brain’s pain center in ways similar to physical pain. In short: emotional ghosting literally hurts the brain. also read: why every gen z group needs a therapist friend
A couple I once counseled had been married for 10 years. The husband would go silent after every disagreement. He thought he was preventing fights. But his wife described the silence as “living with a ghost.” She would cry at night, wondering if he was still in love with her.
One day, during therapy, the husband admitted: “I’m not silent because I don’t care. I’m silent because I’m afraid of saying the wrong thing.” This moment broke the cycle. For the first time, they both saw that the silence was not rejection, but fear. That discovery became the starting point for healing. also read: marriage anxiety among gen z couples
Instead of assuming silence means rejection, try asking yourself: “Could this be my partner’s way of coping with stress or fear?” This reframing takes away the sting of feeling abandoned and opens the door for curiosity instead of judgment.
When silence happens, don’t attack with “Why don’t you ever talk to me?” Instead, say something like:
This approach invites openness rather than defense.
Create small, safe communication rituals. For example, agree that if one needs space, they send a short signal like: “I need time, but I’ll come back to talk.” This breaks the cycle of ghosting and replaces it with clarity.
When your partner is ready, map emotions together. One technique I use is asking each person to name what they’re feeling in one word and then connect it to a simple physical gesture (like touching your chest or hand). Over time, this builds a bridge between silence and expression without overwhelming either partner.
Instead of waiting for big conversations, focus on small daily gestures: a text saying “thinking of you,” a hand squeeze, a smile. These micro-connections create emotional safety that reduces the need for withdrawal. also read: is marriage over for gen z the untold story
Final Thoughts on Silence and Emotional Ghosting in Love
Silence in relationships doesn’t always mean the love is gone. More often, it’s a defense mechanism rooted in fear or habit. By approaching it with understanding, reframing, and consistent emotional safety practices, couples can turn ghosting into connection. love isn’t about avoiding conflict, it’s about finding safe ways to stay present even in silence.
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👉Begin Your Journey with a 1 on 1 Consultation
